A few weeks ago, a company I greatly admire reached out to me to teach a class on confidence. I was ecstatic, elated, excited, and feeling all the positive, serotonin-filled emotions at the prospect of doing something out of my comfort zone. But as the news sunk in, these positive emotions were quickly replaced with another familiar feeling. Dread. Pretty soon I found myself down a rabbit hole asking myself uncomfortable questions — Why me? Who am I to teach this to other people? Why am I qualified?
You guessed it. I was dealing with a classic case of imposter syndrome. Or was I?
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is when you struggle to internalize your own accomplishments, despite all the evidence to the contrary. It’s that feeling of being a complete and utter fraud. And women suffer from it. A lot. As I sat with my uncomfortable feelings, I decided to dig a little deeper and examine the root of these feelings, and that required me to go back a little.
Over the last decade, I persevered as a woman of color in Canada’s financial industry. I have been at the receiving end of racist and sexist comments and culturally insensitive jokes. I remember as far back as university, a career counselor saying to me, “You don’t have to take economics if you find it hard, you’re pretty and can marry rich.” Not only did he dismiss my concerns about a class, but he also discredited my effort while chalking me up to a tired trope. And yet, in all the professional and educational spaces I’ve occupied, I am told I have imposter syndrome. The problem is with me, and if I am struggling with that feeling, I need to get over it.
As Cate Huston writes:
“What we call imposter syndrome often reflects the reality of an environment that tells marginalized groups that we shouldn’t be confident, that our skills aren’t enough, that we won’t succeed—and when we do, our accomplishments won’t even be attributed to us. Yet imposter syndrome is treated as a personal problem to be overcome, a distortion in processing rather than a realistic reflection of the hostility, discrimination, and stereotyping that pervades culture.”
The root cause of imposter syndrome
There is mounting evidence to back up the theory that imposter syndrome is learned behavior due to a near-constant negative feedback loop. When I reflect on my experiences, I can recall toxic work environments where being overworked and busy was held up as a badge of honor. Any attempt for self-care was met with disapproval and even outrightly penalized. I was once hired into a job that was performed by three people and when I took over, my colleagues were promoted almost immediately. I took on the workload of three people and lived in constant fear of messing up. The fear and anxiety took a deep mental toll and when good things did eventually happen for me, I carried that fear and anxiety of failing with me.
I am not alone as a woman in male-dominated spaces that’s fed consistent messaging of imposter syndrome. Yet, the more I reflect and examine imposter syndrome, the more convinced I am that it is a social construct. Our environment deflects responsibility and avoids accountability to make these feelings a personal problem. Like the rhetoric around meritocracy, imposter syndrome places accountability on the shoulders of the person experiencing it, without addressing the real systemic problems that reinforce the narrative in the first place.
Breaking the cycle
Now that we’ve established that imposter syndrome is largely a construct that gaslights individuals, what can we do about it? Well, here’s the tricky part. Even if it is society that has led you to feel like a fraud, you’re still responsible for healing your relationship with success. The good news is that now that you know that you’re not fully responsible for why you feel this way, you can start to explore how to feel better.
Know you’re not alone
Once I realized that a lot of my imposter syndrome was rooted in past experiences, it was like being set free. I finally had something tangible to work with, instead of just a gnawing feeling of inadequacy. Knowing is helpful. Knowing means you can take constructive steps to address the problem. I started talking more openly about imposter syndrome with other women. Almost every single one of them had similar stories and experiences. Being in the company of high-functioning people that were struggling with the same thing made me feel less alone.
Let go of perfectionism
As women, we internalize perfectionist tendencies at a young age. Perfectionism is the antithesis to productivity, and yet high achievers tend to suffer from it. The problem with perfectionism is that it creates an unhealthy fear of failure which contributes to feelings of incompetency. Women and people of color suffer disproportionately from this as there are very real consequences to any struggles or growing pains we may experience in a challenge. But we still need to fight through those feelings if we are to lean into our full potential. In a recent conversation with clinical psychologist and couple’s therapist, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, she challenged me to start incorporating good enough instead of perfect into my vocabulary. Not only is perfection unrealistic, but it’s also not possible and so at a certain point all we need to accept good enough.
Reflect on your own success
So often, we are looking for external indicators and validators for our success, when the reality is that all the data can be found in our own history. A lot of where you are does have to do with you and what you’ve overcome. The proof is in the pudding and so start with making a list of your own accomplishments. Not only will it make you feel good, but it will also give you all the information to know that you deserve to be where you are!
Stop calling it imposter syndrome
I believe that fear of a word gives it more power. Except when the word is used incorrectly. Imposter syndrome is a form of career gaslighting. It places an unreasonable burden on marginalized groups to shoulder the responsibility of their success and doesn’t do enough to shine a light on the systemic reasons why some people might struggle more than others. But if you are in a position of power or a leader, removing the word from your vocabulary helps set a precedent and start a cultural shift. Instead of calling it “imposter syndrome,” offer support to people who might express those feelings. Become an advocate for people who struggle with feelings of inadequacy or incompetence.
Champion diversity
Understand that feelings of inadequacy are more pronounced for women and people of color. Even the standards of what is considered “professional,” or high achieving are heavily skewed in favor of men and more broadly white people. By being sensitive to the fact that the world is not an even playing field, that dominant cultural attitudes allow some people to belong more than others, you can start to create space for people that have been marginalized.
Overcoming imposter syndrome is something we need to tackle collectively. Recognizing its causes and attempting to root out the problematic attitudes and behaviors in your teams and workplace that feed the beast is a start. Ultimately, when anything is a problem, women and people of color feel the burn more painfully. So let’s start making it better by throwing away the matchstick.
